Henry Fail (formerly Heiner Failbottom): A highly respected clockmaker from “The Old Country”. The family patriarch, but never reaches an age beyond about 36. Should have a slight, accent.

Marietta Fail (formally Marishka Failbottom): An equally respected clockmaker from the same old country. Should have a slight, but not necessarily identifiable Eastern European accent. Also does not live past about 36. Henry and Marietta migrated from “The Old Country” to the US about 20 years before the play begins.

Gertrude (Gerty) Fail: The eldest daughter. Following in the family tradition, she has grown up among clocks and timepieces. She is feisty and won’t take nonsense from no-one. When the play opens, she is the guiding hand of the “Fail Clock Works: Est. 1900”.  (about 28)

Jenny June Fail: The middlest daughter (about 22). A superb lake swimmer and diver. Is madly in love with Johnny Weissmuller (this was before he became famous as Tarzan). She placed second to him in a lake diving competition.

Nelly Fail: The youngest daughter (about 20). She is a professional singer and dancer (almost – she hasn’t had her big break yet – she just needs to find the right Hollywood producer). She is by far the favourite of the family – everybody loves Nelly.

John N Fail: The only son. His age is unknown (but about 22), because he was found floating down the highly polluted Chicago River in a Moses basket accompanied by a snake named Moses. He is not so much of a “people person”, and is most at home with animals. He successfully studies for and becomes a Vet.

Mortimer Mortimer: (Age 26) So famous he is named after himself. He is rich – not on account of any family inheritance, personal talent, skills, business acumen etc. He was just lucky at the horses and then on the stock market. He may have squandered all his luck. But is a genuinely nice person. He is the catalyst for almost everything that happens.

Gramophone: An all-singing role he/she supplies most of the music in the play. No actual lines, but lots of songs (spoiler alert – the only one alive at the end of the play)

Old Dog: Unnamed, but an important speaking role. In fact, he has probably the most significant line in the play “Just because something ends, that don't mean it wasn't a great success”.

Art Dodd: a bartender, also a customer of the “Fail Clock Works: Est 1900”

Grantland Rice: A radio journalist (a quite famous real person). In this play he reports on Jenny June’s attempt to swim across Lake Michigan. (This is the real Grantland Rice).

Moses: a very large python. An important speaking part. He/she (gender not specified) is found as a baby in the basket with baby John N., floating down the Chicago River.

Clocks of various descriptions – a Grandfather Clock, Cuckoo Clock, Carriage Clock, etc. Speaking (and ticking) roles. “A Fail Clock is a Working Clock”

Mae and December (feral Monk Parakeets). Speaking roles.

Chorus: There are other chorus roles supplying comments, sound effects and narration. All characters are part of the chorus, speak directly to the audience, and typically introduce themselves in the third person